"But Jimmy," I hear you ask from your 73' Ford Mustang "What's actually in it? Where did it come from? You were fantastic in Dust and Danger: Ballad of the One Arm Desperado by the way, your portrayal of Ignacio Thunderfist was as epic as it was touching."
To which I can only say
- Only the best ingredients gathered from across this beautiful globe used in our patented recipe!
- Honestly? You're gonna want this, and if you have this, they're going to want YOU!
- Thank you. I try to put my whole heart and soul into every role I take on- AND, of course, I do my own stunts.
I am absolutetly thrilled to announce that we have THREE count 'em THREE exciting and inovative flavors for you to enjoy! Flavors such as:
This isn’t AN energy drink. No my friends, this is THE energy drink! This is the original classic flavor of Liquid Lightning® that fans new and old can enjoy. Honestly, this is my personal favorite. You see, I have always been a HUGE fan of blueberries and wanted a way to bring that same feeling of home and comfort into each sip of this delicious soda alternative.
So- I did just that! In every sip of Blueberry Bolt you’ll be taken to a world of pure adulterated fizz and flavor! With over four times the amount of stimulant chemicals including caffeine as our competitors, this is sure to give you the extra boost of energy you’ll need for work, school, church, crime, tropical expeditions, guided museum tours, Urbex adventures, repelling, sky diving, oceanic voyages, collecting delicate bio samples of neighboring worlds on a top secret government mission in which they attempt to clone a species long deceased, band practice, or even school!
Take a sip and let’er rip as you bolt into action!
When I first thought of the idea of expanding our brand and adding more flavors to our repertoire the first thing I thought of was cherries. Tasteful. Timeless. Classic. I got this inspiration from my experience being stranded in the Sonoran desert in the Southern region of Arizona. This happened during the production of Dust and Danger: Ballad of the One Arm Desperado.
One night me and a few of the other actors decided it would be a fun idea to try some peyote about a mile from where filming was happening. Well, long story short I found myself the next morning stranded in the desert with nothing more than a leather stunt jacket, my silver haircomb, and a pound and a half of cherry lozenges I stole from the breakroom. After nearly three weeks fighting the elements and animals I finally made my way back to the set, changed forever. My understudy was shocked to see me back and better than ever!
After nine years in development, hopefully it will have been worth the wait. My team of world class scientists managed to blend the flavors of sweet and sultry cherries, with more brain power than Einstein and Mary Currie combined! Enjoy a delicious can of Cherry Thunder today!
Two words.
Citrus. Shockwave.
Late one summer night, I was solving complex equations and pondering the existence of man in my Nikola Tesla style laboratory. I found myself in a drought of flash and flavor, so I took a long quiet walk to the Liquid Lightning® factory next door. After letting myself in, I spent some time staring longingly into one of our giant mixing vats as that has always sparked insiration before. That’s when it struck me- a piece of falling sheet metal from the next floor up. I toppled and and fell haphazardly into the behemoth of a cauldron before we put in any of the flavor additives you’ve all come to know and love.
This bubbling beauty came to us front the god of storms himself: Thor- That’s what I call our chem mixer. I discovered this miraculous flavor accidentally and found that our base drink had a strong sour and lemony taste. Likely due to the amount of the citric acid and or signature blend of artificial sugars. Until that day, I was simply a humble multi millionaire and succesful business owner - pathetic. But when I fell into Thor on that fateful day I became Jimmy Fucking Lightning, powered by a thousand storms and ten thousand milligrams of caffeine coursing through my veins. Now my friends, it is your turn to conquer the storm with Citrus Shockwave!
